LinkedIn PremiYUM… or YUCK?

Unemployment is a bitch! It’s this odd feelinlg of unease, which grows more powerful once you realize that you have no instant solution. If you have a family to support, it’s even worse. BUT WAIT! Maybe there IS a fast solution; an outlet that can literally link you to your next “forever home” of employment. And all you have to do is log in!

For those who are not copywriters, that is a little peek behind the curtain as to what we go through when attempting to come up with a creative piece. Most rarely think about the process writers endure just to come up with a simple, catchy collection of words to attract your eyes. That’s why instead of seeing the name “Boring Job Listing Board”, you get hit with LinkedIn, muthaf*cka! Obviously, the profanity got dropped, but I can almost guarantee you that when some type of creative was pouring over the internet researching all forms of job hunting and making handy use of a thesaurus… upon finally connecting two tiny words into one and understanding that this new creation perfectly encapsulated the goal of this boring job listing board, that person exclaimed something along the lines of, “LinkedIn, muthaf*cka!”

Now, if you’ve been unable to find a job for a lengthy amount of time, you may be cussing under an entirely different line of circumstances. And I understand (all too well). Lately, I’ve been trying to hold back from cussing out LinkedIn. I understand it isn’t healthy to be pissed off at a website, but I’m not super happy with the way it’s been treating me lately.

“Maybe it’s me?” I thought to myself. “Am I not truly commited to linking in?”

So, I decided to step things up a notch and spring for LinkedIn’s Premium membership. Even though I was not employeed and money was scarce, perhaps I needed to just put myself out there a little further and see if I could make a healthy return on my membership investment? I could now send messages to people who had yet to accept my connection requests. I could let them know that I was an upstanding copywriter willing to go the extra mile to showcase my interest and abilities. That would make them understand my plight and allow me to get a foot in the door of opportunity, right?!

WRONG!!!

Hey, I’m sure the LinkedIn you have to pay for works for lots of people… actually, strike that. I’m not sure at all. Why am I trying to be nice? This is just my stupid blog that no one ever reads. Should I kiss up to LinkedIn so that they don’t decide to ban me? Could they ban me? Okay, I’m getting off topic. What I’m trying to say is that after a month of perusing the premium possibilities while linking in, I’ve come to the realization that it was a complete waste (at least for me). And becasue I’m not in the middle of a tornado of interview requests and appointments, I’m writing out exactly why:

See Who Views Your Profile!

Oh goody! Premium allows me to see who takes a look at my LinkedIn page! Obviously, it’s going to be someone potentially interested in me as an employee! Okay, great! What a helpful feature! This premium deal is showing promise! If only I could reach out to these people peeping my page immediately…

OH, RIGHT!

LinkedIn Premium allows me to message those who I’ve yet to connect with! I can tell these profile-viewers that I am indeed (oops, probably shouldn’t use a competitor’s name)… that I am definitley interested in any open positions they may have that matches my resume! Let me tell you, I’ve sent out hundreds of wonderful, friendly messages to people I’ve yet to connect with… actually, I’m lying. It wasn’t hundreds. It was more like… five. Yes, because if you want to send out more than five, guess what you gotta do? If you guessed PAY MORE, then you get the prize! So, let me get this straight: I’m already unemployeed, money is tough to come by, I’m taking a chance on paying for this premium package… and now I have to pay even MORE? I could wait a month till my 5 magical, golden-ticket message options reload. It’s not like that will be too late to express my interest in a job… a month later… in this job market. Ugh.

PLUS, you know how many people replied to me messaging them without connecting first? NONE! Who’da thunk people would not be into replying to some rando on a website reaching out because they think you looked at their profile page or that they applied for a certain job? Yeah, it’s a little creepy when you think about it, even on a professional job site such as LinkedIn.

You’re A Top Applicant!

Yay! LinkedIn Premium also tells me which jobs I’d totally be a top applicant for! How do they know this? Maybe it’s from my job search history or my resume or more? Yes, I’d get those little “top applicant” icons all the time for great jobs onsite in Florida, California, Canada… um, I live in New Jersey. So how the heck am I one of the TOP people to apply for jobs thousands of miles away?! Does LinkedIn assume I don’t have a family or am all gung ho for moving to a different state? I NEVER made that clear once on the site. But, hey! Premium lets you know which jobs you’d be perfect for if you owned your own private jet or a teleportation chamber!

Take Some Classes!

Yes, premium offers a wide range of classes you can take online. Take feels like the wrong word to use here. It’s more like classes you can click on and scroll through with lengthy, boring videos that mostly tell you things you already know. Here’s the thing: if I’m unemployed and need to find a job, the LAST THING I’m going to want to do is sit through some type of busy-work-like classes that I’m not getting paid to sit through. For me, it’s just another waste, however it DOES give LinkedIn something to tout when trying to upsell you on their premium package.

In Closing

Yeah, I know I sound like some bitter soul rambling on like this. I’m a writer and writers write what they know and for a long stretch right now, all I know is LinkedIn Premium did not work for me the way it was advertised. That, to me, is BAD copywriting. This now-too-lenthy blog is my way of balancing out the bad. It helped me to exorcise some stress. Maybe it’ll help someone else too? While we’re on the subject of helping out, I will say that the ONE THING that does seem to work with regard to getting a foot in that ol’ door of opportunity is…

The Utilization of People You Know

It’s all about who you know! In life AND in the job market! Having an intial, honest connection through someone you’ve previously worked with, grown up with, or whose pet you recently saved from a burning building (that one ALWAYS works), THAT is truly the best means for getting you and your resume seen! Utilize as many of your personal connections as you can! An actual human will always best any website program or algorithm. It’s the one personal touch that technology can never beat!

Okay, I’ve overstayed my welcome. If anyone actually reads this, thanks for your time. Feel free to reach out if you believe the connection will benefit your quest. Now, the final, million-dollar question: Do I dare post this blog’s link on LinkedIn?